My grade two teacher used to tell our class about God’s love and how we were all brothers and sisters, yet he was physically abusing me. The abuses that he gave me made me think this was God’s way of telling me he loved me. I wanted nothing to do with God because of this. My fears of authority quickly turned into hate, which then turned into rage.
At the age of sixteen my mother kicked me out of the house, and two weeks later I was kicked out of high school. After that, I spent six years on the streets, lost in drugs and alcohol, my soul searching for acceptance in my life. I searched for answers in paganism, Wicca, and native religion. But I never found the answers in my life that I needed.
In August of 1999, I found myself homeless once again: I spent my rent on crack cocaine. On my twenty-third birthday, which was on the twenty-six day of the same month, I was invited to go out on a boat cruise by one very good friend. There, I sat at the back of the boat listening to [salvation] testimonies [of God’s love] and thinking about my life and how I was going nowhere fast.
The next day around 7-8 o’clock in the morning, I was walking downtown and I was looking at the old homeless guys and I kept seeing my face on top of their own face. Then I heard a voice in my heart say, “Jason, you have been chasing death for six years and made it nowhere. Chase after life and go somewhere.” So, in September of 1999, I gave my life to Jesus. I just prayed for Jesus to come into my life and I haven’t been the same since.
I’ve learned to love life and all there is in life — and to enjoy. I’ve learned to feel acceptance in others around me. I’ve also learned to trust and love people. I now know what it is like to have real friends — friends that won’t force me to do what I don’t want to do, friends that will hold me up when I fall. I now know what it is like to feel whole inside and to be complete.
Now I feel I could live my dreams because I’ve lived through the fears of life and survived.