I hope this testimony gives glory to God and shows what the Lord can do with a yielded heart.
Rejection expresses itself in many different ways; some people turn on themselves, feel they are useless, worthless and not good for anything – and in extreme cases, commit suicide. Some become aggressive and take it out on others through manipulation and control and in extreme cases also commit suicide.
I had an uncle who in 1912 was sentenced to life imprisonment because he committed murder over a love affair. He could not handle rejection.
In my case, I was performance-oriented. I was emotionally driven to succeed at any cost so that I would be accepted. I developed a tremendous fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, fear of rejection and the need for rejection. Just to give you some background – my parents immigrated from Central Europe to Canada in 1903. They came to Canada to give us a better life – they were escaping tyranny. They were, however, religious and taught us to pray and respect God.
I grew up in a 2-room log house with a dirt floor and no indoor facilities and was the 14th of 15 children and was conceived in hatred and violence; never affirmed as a child and never told they loved me. They couldn’t either give or receive love. I was just another mouth to feed during the depression years.
I always seemed different from the rest and was teased by them all. It wasn’t until I was in my 70’s that I discovered I had been born dyslexic, with astygmatism and with problem feet.
I developed a lot of anxiety, a nervous stomach and at a later date, gastric ulcers – all because of fear.
When I was 3 years old, my parents got in one of their many fights and I was holding on to my mother for fear of losing her when my father kicked me out of the way and I went flying across the room. These were the kind of experiences I lived through.
When I was 7 years old, I made my first confession and received Holy Communion (the Lord’s Supper). I remember going into the woods by myself and weeping before the Lord Jesus, to forgive my sins and He became real to me. I went home and told my older sister and brother about my experience with the Lord and they just laughed and ridiculed me.
So I grew up doing things in my own strength. I once read a sign “as a last resort, read the instructions”. I took that literally and always tried to do things on my own. Unfortunately, I was also that way with the Lord. I would try to do it on my own first and then turn to the Lord if I had to – as a last resort.
I was emotionally driven to complete high school by correspondence, walking 20 miles to a high school to write my exams.
My father got emotionally hurt and left the church but my mother brought us up in the church. This caused friction in the home and a lot of quarrelling and fighting.
I must say that the economic conditions of the late ’20’s and early ’30’s made life more difficult and added to our problems so I based my selfworth on the ability to please others.
Emotions are a powerful thing and if used for godly purposes can bring great benefits. We need to get passionately in love with Jesus so nothing can shake our faith and give Him all we are and all we have – even our lives if need be.
After serving in the Air Force, I proceeded to go to university and got a bachelor’s degree to prove I could do it. I went to Toronto in 1948 to find work and there I met Stella.
We got married in 1949 and my struggle for significance began in earnest. We always wanted 4 children and when the 4th one died unexpectedly, we had a 5th and ended up with 2 boys and 2 girls.
Because we both came from extremely disfunctional families, we passed it on to our children. They also chose the route to be successes but are not serving the Lord and are not close to us or want us in their lives. But we trust in a Lord that answers prayers and are confident He will reunite us. It looks like the Lord has already started the process and some communication and visits have started and we are confident the Lord answers prayers and will restore relationships.
We both struggled with the curse of rejection but did not know how to get rid of it. I developed difficulties at work, at home, with my co-workers, my siblings, my friends and always had difficulties with my family. We moved to Ottawa in 1960 to work for Statistics Canada. A geographical cure does not work because although you get rid of others, you still take yourself with you. As one of the comic strips says, “I found the enemy, he is within me”.
I worked as a Statistician-Economist with Statistics Canada and also studied and got my master’s degree – again to prove myself and to be accepted. Life started to get worse and the drinking got worse and taking valium brought me under a doctor’s care.
Stella got very concerned about me. Somehow she saw something in me I couldn’t see.
The Easter weekend 1969, after her objection to my drinking, I dumped all my liquor and my pills down the toilet – I believe God was working in my life then – waiting for me to surrender to him. On that Good Friday, I knelt in front of the crucifix and told the Lord Jesus that he could have my life since I could not handle it any more. I surrendered my life to Him.
Then the battle for my soul began in earnest.
I joined a charismatic movement, got baptized in the Holy Spirit, got a prayer language and developed a great hunger for God and His word. Shortly after that, Stella surrendered her life to the Lord and together we started a brand new journey. The rejection process continued to play out in our lives because inner healing, emotional healing and deliverance were not recognized by most churches.
We knew we had a problem that stemmed from childhood but we did not know how to get it fixed. It was in 1980 that John and Paula Sanford from Elijah House published “Transformation Of The Inner Man” and later “The Healing Of The Wounded Spirit”. These were not accepted by most evangelical churches.
I had a wounded and a damaged spirit and my spirit was unanchored because I was never affirmed as a child. It is important that fathers affirm children in a godly manner so they know they are precious to the Lord, their family and their community and that they are loved and wanted before they start looking for love in the wrong places.
It was only during the last few years I realized I could be born-again, spirit-filled and still have part of my soul controlled by a demon.
In the fall of 1995, we read and studied the book “Search For Significance” by Robert McGee in which he states and I quote “we can build our selfworth on the ability to please others OR on the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.”
It was at that point, I realized what my problem was and started praying and asking God for the answer.
In the spring of 1996, we finally attended a Sunday School class at our church that addressed the problems we were struggling with and at the age of 73, I admitted publicly there that I had a terrible fear of failure, fear of rejection and the need for rejection and I asked for help.
During the same year, we were introduced to the Ellel School of Healing and Deliverance. In March of ’97, we attended a course on How to Walk in the Anointing – not just on Sunday but every day of the week. If I sin, I can run back to Jesus, ask forgiveness and get back in the anointing.
That summer, we attended a healing retreat. Then in July, we attended 2 weeks of a 4-week course on Healing Through Deliverance. During a session on parenting, acceptance and rejection, I broke up and was ministered to. The next morning when I woke up to read my Bible, God spoke to my heart. I knew that I knew that I knew that God spoke to me – it was so real. He said, “George, I love you and I need you” and gave me and Stella a rhema word – Job 5:17-27:
“17 Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: 18 For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole. 19 He shall deliver thee in six troubles: yea, in seven there shall no evil touch thee. 20 In famine he shall redeem thee from death: and in war from the power of the sword. 21 Thou shalt be hid from the scourge of the tongue: neither shalt thou be afraid of destruction when it cometh. 22 At destruction and famine thou shalt laugh: neither shalt thou be afraid of the beasts of the earth. 23 For thou shalt be in league with the stones of the field: and the beasts of the field shall be at peace with thee. 24 And thou shalt know that thy tabernacle shall be in peace; and thou shalt visit thy habitation, and shalt not sin. 25 Thou shalt know also that thy seed shall be great, and thine offspring as the grass of the earth. 26 Thou shalt come to thy grave in a full age, like as a shock of corn cometh in in his season. 27 Lo this, we have searched it, so it is; hear it, and know thou it for thy good.” (Job 5:17-27)
There are no perfect parents or prime law givers – some are good and some are terrible and everything in-between. I had to recognize that my parents could not meet all my emotional, spiritual and physical needs – or give or receive love.
When we came back from Ellel, we asked the Lord for guidance as to what we were to do with this course and how we were supposed to use it – we were asking the Lord for a vision for our lives. During the fall of ’97, at a conference at Maranatha Church, Stella and I were asked to come forward – to give the prophesy I had written and both of us were anointed to impart the love of the Father God to all who had never received a hug or love from their natural fathers. Pastor-prophet Dan Chappel from Oshawa Airport Church and others imparted the anointing to us. About 1/3 of the people stood up – about 100 people – and as we put our arms around them, they just broke in our arms and received the love of Father God. It was awesome!
We offered God our brokenness and He anointed it and made something beautiful out of it. We were anointed to impart the love of the Father and we do it as the Holy Spirit directs every chance we get. God can use all of us – from the youngest to the oldest. God does not have a retirement plan but only life everlasting. Psalm 91:12-15 says: “12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.” (Psalm 91:12-15)
In July of ’98, we went back to Ellel for the last two weeks of the course on Healing and Deliverance and received more personal ministry. We studies many subjects at Ellel, such as:
Demonization of man
Demonic footholds and the occult
Understanding godly sex and sexuality
Belief systems, defence mechanisms, behavior cycles – I believe, I think, I feel and I do
The will, damaged will, free will
Baptism of the Holy Spirit and gifts of the Spirit and using them; e.g. discernment vs suspicion.
Power of the blood in the name of Jesus
Ministry to the sexually abused
The human spirit and damage to the human spirit
Acceptance and belonging
Overcoming the curse of rejection
Secure in the Father’s love
Intercession and spiritual warfare
Healing the broken-hearted
Domination, manipulation and control
Freedom from the occult
Freedom from freemansonry, new age, martial arts and alternative medicines
Why some people don’t get healed
Freedom from fear and the affects of fear
Anger and how to handle it
Freedom from addiction
Failure and God’s grace
Equipped for a purpose
& other topics.
But the most important thing I learned from Ellel was my intimacy with the Lord. My personal relationship with the Lord is more important than my healing or deliverance. It is more important than what people think of me or say about me. It is more important than life itself.
It is the intimacy with the Lord that gives personal and corporate revival and everything else flows from it – salvation, healing, deliverance and all the good things the Lord has for us. Secondly, I learned that the Lord speaks to us at all times and we have to learn to tune in to Him. We must be able to hear his voice and recognize it – distinguish His voice from our own inner voice and the voice of the enemy. We need to hear His voice and take it to heart.